Showing love and appreciation to others can take many different forms: the offer of a gift, the writing of a “thank you” letter, the doing of a chore, and much more.
But what is the best way to make someone feel loved and appreciated?
According to Gary Chapman, the answer is simple: through their love language.
Love languages are “ways that people speak and understand emotional love” (Chapman, 1992, p. 15), and there are 5 types of them:
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation
- Gifts
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
Let’s explore them together.
The 5 Love Languages
1. Qualiy Time
Persons whose primary love language is quality time feel most appreciated when their loved ones spend focused time with them.
Quality time is about giving someone your undivided attention, and doing things that he/she enjoys together in a wholehearted manner.
When you share quality time with somebody, the activity in which you are both engaged is incidental (i.e., it is a vehicle that generates a sense of togetherness).
What really matters emotionally is that you are spending focused time together. This is important because it shows that you care about each other and that you enjoy doing things together.
There are 2 major ways you can express love through quality time:
- Quality conversations: these are “sympathetic dialogues where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context” (Chapman, 1992). Quality conversations differ from words of affirmations. The former focus on what you are hearing, whereas the latter focus on what you are saying. When you share your love through quality time by means of a conversation, you will focus on drawing the other person out, listen sympathetically to what the other person has to say, and ask questions with a genuine desire to comprehend the other’s thoughts, emotions, and wants.
- Quality activities: these are activities for which you and your loved one both have an interest. The goal is to experience something together, and to make the other person walk away from it with a feeling of being cared for. An important thing to keep in mind when engaging in quality activites, is to always do it with a positive attitude.
2. Words of Affirmation
“Verbal compliments, or words of affirmation, are powerful communicators of love” (Chapman, 1992, p. 37).
If someone’s love language is words of affirmation, you can express your love and appreciation towards him/her by:
- Complimenting him/her
- Say encouraging words (i.e., words that “inspire courage”)
- Communicating with kind words
- Speaking with humble words (i.e., making requests, not demands)
- Saying good things about him/her when he/she is not there (indirect words of affirmations)
- Saying good things about him/her in front of others
3. Gifts
For a person whose love language is receiving gifts, presents are a visual symbol of love through which one expresses love to another.
Gifts can be purchased, made, or found, and what makes them so appreciated is that the person who offers them had to think about the recipient in order to make it.
So, if the love language of someone you care about is receiving gifts, make sure to occasionally offer him/her something as a token of your love and appreciation.
Whether the object is expensive, made with your own hands, purchased, or found, it does not matter. The important thing is that you thought about the person to make the gift.
4. Physical Touch
Another powerful way to communicate love towards another person is physical touch.
Although this love language is mostly used as a mean to express love among intimate partners, depending on your culture and ideals, it can also be used to convey appreciation and love to family members and friends.
The most common ways to express love through physical touch consist in holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse.
Therefore, if the love language of someone you care about is physical touch, make sure to regularly express your love to him/her through one of these methods.
5. Acts of Service
People whose primary love language is acts of service feel the most appreciated when others seek to please them by serving them and doing things they know they would like them to do.
If acts of service is the primary love language of a person you care about, make sure to learn about the things he/she would like to be helped out with and the tasks he/she would like someone (or you) to carry out.
Then, take time to execute these tasks or to help this person to complete the chores he/she finds annoying on a regular basis.
It is important to note that, when you do an act of service, it should never be out of fear, guilt, or resentment.
If you service someone you love because they use coercion by fear (“you will do this for me or you will be sorry”) or mainpulation by guilt (“if you were a good friend, you’d do this for me”) towards you, that’s not a real act of service.
Allowing others to treat you this way does not consist in an act of service and, in such a case, you should communicate them that your love for them is too strong to let them treat you this way and that this behavior hurts both you and the other person.
What is your Love Language?
If you want to figure out what your love language is, you can take this 5 minutes quiz to discover it!
Alternatively, you can also ask yourself what are the ways people make you feel the most loved.
I hope that this article helped you to gain insight into the 5 love languages and that it will enable you to show your love to the people you care about in the best way possible.
If you enjoyed this post, please comment, share, and feel free to check out other posts from my blog! 🙂
Here are some other articles that might interest you…
- 4 Signs of a healthy relationship
- 5 Facts About Epathy You Probably Didn’t Know
- 7 Types Of Love (from Greek)